For the past few days I have had this lingering sadness that stays just enough under the surface of my awareness that I have been able to disregard it. I had a few people ask me what was wrong on Sunday while at Church. I was confused by the question and didn't think anything was wrong, aside from having broken my big toe. Today, when the kids left for school and the house was quiet I fully grasped the fact that I am feeling very sad.
I had to think on this for a bit because sadness is not something I experience on a regular basis.
Was it the weather? This cold, rainy, grey spring?
Slowly it occurred fully to me that Mother's Day is affecting me. My kids have been talking non-stop about Mother's Day and daily my daughter has been giving me pre-mother's day cards that she has drawn and written.
I knew last year it would be a hard day, which is why we actively avoided any place where I would have to watch mothers and daughters...we went on a chilly picnic and then I went by myself to see Clash of the Titans.
I thought this year would be easier, but I feel like I've lost direction a bit. Mother's Day and there is no Mother. My kids are looking forward to celebrating it, and my oldest son wanted to know the history behind it...which we looked up together and read about Greeks and Romans celebrating Rhea and Sybill, and then the devotion turning to Mary, and then to all mothers.
I think this year, after spending time with my kids, I am going to go see Thor and perhaps make a tradition for myself of seeing corny myth based movies because the odds of finding mothers and daughters at a movie like that on mother's day is not very high.